is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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