I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize