if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
