I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
