But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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