Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
