i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize