If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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