All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
