i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize