make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
