just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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