come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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