omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
