i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
