i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
