I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
