So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
