You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
