There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
