remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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