I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
