so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
