ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
