This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i need some magic done to my vagina
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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