I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
