Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
