in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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