Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the liver wants what the liver wants
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
