I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
