OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize