why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
