what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
