my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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