its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Randomize
