so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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