dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
operation have a gay friend backfired
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need to align my fucking chakras
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize