did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
