Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
