I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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