were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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