I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
