Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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