If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
