I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
