so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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