So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
