I'm drive I can fine osifer
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
