What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
