it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
