my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
