i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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