If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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