I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
