Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
