I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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