shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
