just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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