addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Welp...herpes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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