so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
