How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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