Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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