Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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