I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
