you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
