we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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