i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
