Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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